I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
