Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
