im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
