my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They are going to name an STD after you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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