I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
