i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
