i just google imaged poop.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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