my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
