New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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