I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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