I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
