he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
