yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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