Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
