So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
