Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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