the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
her facebook's as public as her vagina
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
