I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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