I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We had to coat check the pizza.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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