I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
