ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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