woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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