Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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