First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
