I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
