Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
