Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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