fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
