we have officially lost it.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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