dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
