Tell her she can't have a vagina
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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