come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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