my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
