They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
