my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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