I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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