i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
