I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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