Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
