WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have demons in me.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize