I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
