matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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