I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize