miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
