Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
