i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
