Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
