i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My vagina is officially offended.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
