I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
