I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
they need to just BURY HIM!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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