I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
