I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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