24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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