No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
