Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
