you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
