Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
