hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize