Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
