someone threw a dead crab at me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize