I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
