Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
