OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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