I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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