$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
