ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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