I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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