Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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