And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
