It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
